Struggle to get your Chin-Up count up?
Me, too. Read below to laugh & learn.
Heya!
A comedic scene in one of my novels revolves around a personal training session. This scene contains 3 critical tips for instantly up-leveling or unlocking your:
dumbbell bench press,
back loaded squat,
and chin-ups.
Check it out below.
(Don’t wanna read the exposition? Just skip to the underlined parts, which contain the hacks.)
Enjoy, and let me know what you think!
——————
A minute later, Joy was performing the backloaded squats. I was spotting her, reminding her she wasn’t allowed to take a break at the top between reps. After her ninth repetition, she paused at the top, huffing. “How much is this?”
“One hundred and fifteen pounds.”
“I have three hundred and fifteen pounds on my shoulders!” she yelled, completely lacking self-consciousness.
“Damn, girl,” I muttered, as she racked the weight. “You loud.”
“Don’t come for me …” Gasp. Exhale. Inhale. “Unless I send for you.”
“Oh, my God. Just go work for The Real Housewives already.”
“If it means I can escape this abuse, I just might.” She inhaled. “Just watch. You’d miss me, though.” Her cartoonishly large smile overtook her face. “You know you would. You’d miss me.” She poked me, giggling. I rolled my eyes, fighting the inevitable for a brave split second before dissolving into a throaty chuckle.
“You have a Valentine for tomorrow night, Daddy?” she asked ten minutes later, halfway through a set of dumbbell bench presses. Her feet were up on her weightlifting bench, positioned in front of her butt. This technique forced her to keep her core active. It prevented cheating and reduced the likelihood of injury.
I responded: “You asking me if I have a Valentine tells me this isn’t enough weight for you.”
“I’m going to report you to child protective services,” she declared a few seconds later as she sat up.
“Who’s the child?”
“Me, obviously. I’m younger. I’m 24. And you’re now — ooh, how old d’you turn the other night at that party? Thirty … what?”
“27.”
“Exactly.” She cocked her head as she fanned herself. “That was a cute party, by the way.”
“Yeah. Yeah, it was.” I smiled. “See, Joy? You can be nice when you try.”
Twenty minutes later, Joy had finished her second set of jumping chin ups. Jumping chin ups were, in my opinion, a brilliant regression from, and precursor to, the real thing. I had Joy stand on a low platform and wrap her hands securely around the chin up bar overhead. I then had her jump up, hold herself frozen in mid air for a moment at the fully contracted position, then fight gravity as her body slowly lowered down to the platform. I’d also taught her the importance of keeping her shoulders down, away from her ears, the entire time — that way, the focus would be on strengthening her back.
“You got four!” I exclaimed. “That’s amazing! Truly.”
“I hate those,” she muttered now, rubbing her hands together. “That hurts my hands. Do you know how much that hurts?”
“Actually, yes. My trainer has me do those a lot.”
“Daddy’s got a Daddy?”
“Yes.” I shook my head, unable to find the words to explain how badly I needed to take my own physique to the next level.
“Your Daddy work here?”
“Yes, he’s a coworker, Joy. We started bartering training. And he’s teaching me stuff about eating, too.” My insecurity struck. Is it OK to admit to a client there’s stuff I don’t know? “I mean — I know stuff already, but, you know, he’s like, fine-tuning some stuff.”
“Damn. Where he? Maybe I needa make him my new Daddy.”
Write me back at branden@brandenhayward.com:
Which hack above are you going to apply to your next workout?
Me, too,
Branden
brandenhayward.com
