My story

(“The Greater the Pain, the Greater the Possibility”)

I can envy just about anyone, but I have a hard time trusting someone until they’ve been vulnerable with me. Since our relationship is built on trust, I wanna share with you a bit more about myself.

I was born in the 80s and grew up in the 90s in Ohio. My earliest, clearest childhood fantasy was of being adored, and indomitable. I envisioned what it would feel like to have a physique beyond compare: it would be my gateway to freedom, joy, power and safety. This ambition did not wither with age.

After graduating college at Indiana University, I moved to New York to pursue a career as an actor. My family completely provided for me during this time.

Then, my life turned upside down around New Year’s of 2011. Virtually all at once, I came out of the closet; began confronting years of brutal abuse and trauma I had experienced in my childhood home; and sought help for the anxiety I’d struggled with my entire life. My family’s financial support rapidly diminished in the midst of this.

I pivoted to personal training as a more stable source of income. I liked working with people, and over the previous years had learned a great deal from a Canadian bodybuilder who hosted his own online school.

During my first few years as a trainer (between 2011 and 2015), through a combination of privilege and hard work, I had as clients some of the most intriguing and influential gay men in New York City. This was thanks in part to the gym I worked at, and thanks in part to my unique ability to teach each client how to develop impeccable weightlifting form and pace. Simultaneously, I took advantage of a litany of educational seminars, workshops and courses sponsored by the extremely resourceful company for which I worked. On a personal level, these years brought tremendous stress, but also tremendous joy. A primary source of both was my involvement in the recovery community in NYC. If you hear nothing else from me, and never visit this page again, just know one thing:

Just because the miracle hasn’t happened for you yet, doesn’t mean it won’t. So many dreams I had when I was a teenager — of being in a sorority, of being popular, of being desired, of being hazed, of being the epicenter of the party — were realized in my mid/late 20s.

I went through a phase of staying out in Hell’s Kitchen until 2 AM or later, two or three nights/week, with my sober “girl” friends. I competed in three sober drag pageants (Wanda Attatyme). I performed in two sober musicals.

I spent four summers sharing a home with other young men on Fire Island. (Across the summer of 2015, I spent 45 nights on Fire Island.) I was an object of affection and lust by friends and lovers. I got to watch social and romantic drama unfold within and before me, straight out of a high school movie. I was a star.

I was — to borrow Lizzo’s words — 100% That Bitch.

And even though it was sometimes incredibly painful, I had the searing, unshakeable sense: “I made it! This is what I wanted in middle school, and high school, and college! I HAVE ARRIVED!”

I learned that Dreams do come true. Sometimes we just gotta be really patient.

And most of those circumstances did fade. Some of those friends drifted away from me, and I still don’t have an answer as to why. But, my God, the memories, and the satisfaction, of those times … no one can ever take them away from me. I am incredibly happy and grateful, without feeling a need to recreate those years. I truly got to scratch my itch, and I was Changed for Good. 

In late 2016, now working for myself, I became heavily involved with activism.

In June of 2017, I bottomed out on anger, grief, financial insecurity, and self-harm. I made a decision to disconnect from activism, and focus on saving myself.

One year later, in June of 2018, having worked multiple jobs over the last year, I was now nearly out of debt, on anxiety medication, and finally feeling like a beautiful life was possible again.

It was during the middle of the Pride March that month that that I saw shirtless photos of myself. I saw unbridled joy on my face. But when I looked down at my torso, I did not feel pride. I felt like a far cry from those jaw dropping, real-life-superhero bodies I’d seen prancing around Fire Island over the past few summers.

I reached out to a different bodybuilding coach I’d met years earlier in NYC, who now lived 2,000 miles away in Colorado. I told him that since I couldn’t yet afford regular HGH, I was ready to do whatever he told me to in order to organically earn broader, more impressive shoulders; a cut waist and prominent abs; a higher butt; thicker calves; and arms that would help me feel confident even around the most jacked of guys.

The physical transformation that commenced from the summer of 2018 invited into my life a seemingly inalienable sense of self-belief which had hitherto eluded me.

As my relationship with my body improved, I finally found the courage to make dramatic changes in my business.

I became more comfortable spending time alone.

And, miraculously, I realized that my greatest fear – that I could never break my junk food addiction – was unfounded.

It was time to share my small miracle with others. DreamBody School was created. 

A year later, Covid-19 saw me lose much of my personal training business. Because I’d paid my taxes for years, I got the gift of unemployment for 15 months. This allowed me to dedicate 30 hours/week to perfecting a trilogy of novels I began writing in 2014, while also continuing to help my online clients. I finished my 11th draft of the trilogy in the summer of 2021, as I prepared to move to Los Angeles, where I now reside. 

My passions — storytelling, the gay community, hot bodies — intersect in my business and books. (The latter is a love story, packaged in a comedy, wrapped in a thriller, about a young man searching for his family in the wake of AIDS. It time travels, ricocheting across the Western Hemisphere. But, no surprise, its home base is Fire Island.) If you know of a good fiction agent, please tell me!

The biggest secret I’m uncovering throughout all of this, is realizing how much of a miracle I am. You are, too. I know it sounds corny. But writing my books forced me to confront just how breathtakingly true it is.

We are survivors. And we deserve all of our love and affection.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Fitness Credentials:

• • Miscellaneous:
    • Advanced through three levels of the Equinox Fitness Training Institute (2011-2015)
    • Spent 15+ years obsessing over studying bodybuilding, injury management, diet and supplementation (2006-present)
    • Generated $1.5+M gross revenue since 2011 (I share this to prove credibility and trustworthiness, not be ostentatious)
    • Worked with 250+ clients/students
  • Personal Trainer Certifications:
    • National Council on Strength and Fitness (NCSF) (current)
    • National Exercise and Sports Trainers Association (NESTA) (2011-2014)
  • Nutritional Coaching Certification:
    • Precision Nutrition™ (America’s leading body transformation project) (2013)
  • Workout Design Certifications:
    • Brookbush Institute (which created the company-wide trainer education for Equinox & New York Sports Clubs):
      • Advancements in Corrective Exercise Selection Certification (2016)
      • Advancements in Program Design (2017)
      • Advancements in Exercise Selection (2018)

 

 

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