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When success = staying alive

Heya!

Woof. It’s been a tough 2 weeks. I’ve never been forced out of weightlifting this long before; hands-down, this is the longest I’ve had to go without exercising in the last 15 years. Even when I broke my leg in 2014, I could still work out my upper body. 

The uncertainty has been the worst part. Will my lower back get better? Why is it taking so long? 

And, I didn’t injure myself by doing something foolish. I injured myself by trying to overcorrect a problem, and by following instructions. 

I’ll be straight with you; I’ve thought more about self-harm, and suicide, these last two weeks, than I have in the last two years. If my body’s being taken away from me; if I’m going to be trapped like this, what’s the point of going forward?

At the least, I gotta let my anger out. What better person to do it on, than me? 

Throughout this, different professionals have provided advice that conflicts in some ways. This is nothing new for me; learning to trust my gut and experience is something I’ve cultivated more strongly these last few years. 

One positive throughout all of this, is that my measurements (shoulder and waist) have not gotten worse. I haven’t gained weight. I attribute this to diet, and the foundation I’ve built. 

It’s OK to feel stuck. It’s OK to be going one day at a time. It’s OK to sit around and watch TV all day if you’re too sore and depressed to try to work. 

Sometimes, success is just staying alive. 

So, you are a success. 🙂 

Let me know: what’s one thing you’ll do in the next 3 days, to show yourself some real love?  

Me, Too, 

Branden 

brandenhayward

Author brandenhayward

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